Monday, April 2, 2018
Monday, August 14, 2017
I Wonder If This Shit Still Works?
A few weeks ago, a laureate of our generation sat down to see the proverbial man about a proverbial horse. After a quick bend of the knee, a small piece of greased lightning slid out, slipping into the water of the cream colored porcelain like a morning dew drop returning to it's home on the surface of a sun kissed pond. The ease and speed of the transaction took the laureate by surprise. Instantly his legs stiffened and he peered back to see what he created. "Well look at that perfect little Venetian gondola!" came out in an audible tone. It was the most perfect description for a most ordinary occurrence. That was the moment, the exact moment that I realized I had to get back to telling my story. Picasso had his brush, Erlenmeyer his flask, I have my hornsofcons.
I'll be the first to admit it has been a while and it was really tough to get back into this. Mostly because for some insane reason I have this blogger account tied to a yahoo login and its a real clusterfuck trying to use google stuff without google stuff. I'm not real sure where to begin. I took that shit several weeks ago and decided it was time to tell the world (league) my story, and really it's all I have at this point. So moving forward, you will get to see a new format I call the Bad Chad One-Hitters. Let's roll......
- It's August 14th and I'm still not sure how I feel about Quality Starts. I still feel dirty when my guy goes 6 innings and gives up 3 runs, but his team loses 5-1. Good news is I didn't give a shit about his game after he came out. Bad news is I didn't give a shit about his game after he came out. Maybe in 2027 I'll be done mentioning how weird this stat feels to me.
- Our league has gone through a lot of identity changes. I blame millenials. The new trend is to completely sell off your team pre-deadline and have a super draft the following year. With 6 teams making the playoffs, we only have 7 teams still playing for 2017. Maybe this isn't a new trend, I'm just bad at remembering stuff.
- The Pucketteers have had a really interesting run of recent weeks. After trading Sonny Gray and DJ LeMahieu on July 29th and essentially waving the white flag on the year, he then followed it up to cash in his 2018 3rd, 4th, and 5th Rd picks for recently injured/recovered left-handers. What happens when Kershaw misses the next 2 months of baseball and Madison Bumgarner goes back to chopping wood in his Carhart jacket next week because the Giants are out of it?
- For about the 4th year in a row, the Seal Clubbers manage to field a really good team on paper, but still spend enough time in the basement to creep out Buffalo Bill. He puts his team in the place of 10 or else he gets the hose again.
- This year has also been strange in that there are 3 teams at the top and then a huge gap until you come to teams 4-7 fighting to keep a .500 record. This is what happens when you don't have a salary cap and let the big market teams totally out resource the blue-collar towns of the Backstop Boys. Really, I have no fucking explanation for how this happened. Other than the SFDFs put in a lot of work and is really good at twittering, The Grease Missiles compiled more picks in 2016 than Dan Blizerian. And B and L did a great job of scouting playgrounds and the trashcan of the Handyman Slykes.
- What a fantastic job of drafting by the Lord of Nations and the Grease Missiles. No, our teams aren't anywhere near where they should be, but god damn we know how to spot poor talent. For those of us that braved the fog of war known as cannonballs, mcgriddle whishey, and the shotgun shell, you may remember the division draft in which an effort was made to select the weakest division mates possible. (What do you call an Australian that always performs fractions?.... Dad jokes rule! What do you call it when a father is forced into putting cheesy jokes in parentheses?....) When I look at our current composition of 3-6-8-9-10 I have to say job well done brother.
May 20th
Lord of Nations Receive:
Gio Gonzalez: 85.2 IP, 84 k's, 2.31 ERA, 0.98 WHIP, 11 QS
Jon Lester: 88.6 IP, 95 k's, 3.96 ERA, 1.09 WHIP, 11 QS
Handyman Slykes Recieve:
Max Scherzer: 100.2 IP, 144 k's, 1.79 ERA, 0.76 WHIP, 12 QS
Where to begin on this one? His name is Gio and he throws with his left hand....probably not there. But I now get the joy of having that in my head all day on the morning I check his stat line. Early on I still couldn't come to grips with this whole QS thing, so just like the guy with a single girl and a single cup, I decided 2 was much better than one (topical references abound!). Yeah yeah, Max Scherzer's WHIP is lower than his blue-eye count, but look! I have more quality. But shit is that guy good. As a tie-breaker to determine who actually won this trade, let's look at the tryout period it took the Handyman Slykes to determine which Yankee Aaron was actually worth keeping:
Aaron Judge:
8 AB's, .250 Average, 1 HR, 1 R, 3 RBI, 0 SB. I've seen all I need to see here. Your teeth are bigger than the 10 commandment tablets and you are prone to strikeouts. Who cares that you hit a homer every 8 AB's for my team and your root is probably the size of Tyrion Lannister? Seeya.
Aaron Hicks:
119 AB's, .252 Average, 3 HR, 19 R, 18 RBI, 3 SB. Thanks for coming out. I think I may need to see a bit more tape here. My people will be in touch.
June 14
Lord of Nations Receive:
Dee Gordon: 204 AB's, .309 avg, 38 runs, 1 HR, 9 RBI, 19 SB
Fernando Rodney: 13.1 IP, 8 saves, 21 k's, 4.61 ERA, 1.32 WHIP
SFDF Receive:
Francisco Lindor: 222 AB's, .279 avg, 26 runs, 7 HR, 26 RBI, 5 SB
Yeah, I picked two of my own trades. Deal with it. This one looks pretty dang close as well. Everyone pretty much doing what you'd expect them to do. Rodney wears his hat like a fucking left hander although he's a northpaw. Dee Gordon continues to use HGH and
That's it for tonight. 10th member, don't you dare use my Venetian gondola comment in any of your articles. I know a good attorney (co-Ganier-ugh) that will sue your ass.
*Jokes Not Used:
- The Pucketteers trade strategy involved his team getting in and out more than a 17 year old penis on homecoming week that time they were handing out free ruhipnol samples at the student union
- The Grease Missiles compiled more draft pics in 2016 than a micro-brew's advertising firm
- Our league has changed identities more than Bruce Jenner (topical references abound)
- Aaron Judge vs Aaron Hicks is more one-sided than Aaron Mack vs Aaron Martin
- Higher number: Grease Missiles Quality Sharts vs Lester/Gio Quality Starts?
- There's a bigger gap between the 3rd place and 4th place teams than there is between Crack Whore's ground meat labia.
Monday, March 31, 2014
A Brief History of Time
Guest Contributor: Tod Everage
The origins of this league go back to "Craigsleague" in 2001-2, when Martel and I shared a team, managing out of my room in Brightside apartments. It took off in 2004 from Sharlo when Charles took over as Commish for Craigsleague, keeping the Rotisserie format, but changing it to 5x5. In 2004, the managers were still waivering on permanent team names that we know and love today. Of the current members, we had the following teams in 2004:
Charles won a third straight Championship, and his last one to date.
TJE
A brief recap of the past 10 years of this league:
Tod: Carl Weathers 4 Gov. (on the heels of Ahnald and Jessie "The Body" Ventura winning Governorships)
Charles: No Name #3 (Elliot Smith obsession was at an all-time high)
Craig: snoooootttt (no explanation. Craig?)
Cole: Eat Shit (no explanation needed...it's Cole)
Martel: beefeaters (Version 1.0)
Tod won that year.
In 2005, names were still being settled upon, the league name changed to Tiger Bait, we expanded to 12 teams, Ross permanently joined the league, and Andy tried his hand at fantasy.
Tod: Send Garner to Japan (I hated the Stros Manager, even though they would make it to the WS that year).
Charles: Team BALCO (so begins Charles' obsession with PED literature).
Craig: Juice Monkeys (another PED reference)
Cole: Please Win White Sox (b/c Cole has a superpower that allows his fantasy team names to change reality)
Martel: beefeaters II (Version 2.0).
Ross: olerud's helmet-hat (nice and original)
Tod won this year.
In 2006, it was the last year of Rotisserie, some managers joined, some left, Gerrad became a permanent member, Charles finally settled in on a team name, and the Puckett Buckett was forged:
Tod: The Champ (back-to-back championships got to my head and I needed to forget about the Stros losing)
Charles: The Pucketteer's (the start of a dynasty)
Craig: drunk bus shit ass!!! (my all time favorite name, inspired by Tony Love's drunken rants)
Cole: White Sox Fuck Yes! (asshole)
Martel: beefeaters vers. 3.0
Ross: Turd Ferguson
Gerrad: Momma's Boys
Charles won this year.
In 2007, we switched to a head to head league and whittled down to 10 teams, Gerrad settled in on his code-breaking, draft-ruining, random name, Ross would find his spirit animal in Sid Bream, Eric would join the league with a name that would later been seen as foreshadowing for the 2013 season, and I think this was the year Charles brought Pronk Bars to the draft. In this same year, Eric tried to start his own league (or maybe it was the last year in a failing league, called Neil Diamond. Tod reluctantly played in it. It was 6 teams of shame.
Tod: Tranny Grannies
Charles: The Pucketteer's
Cole: Tits McGee
Craig: randy (aka #25 car)
Martel: The Long Knife Div.
Ross: The Bream Team
Gerrad: Business & Leather
Eric: Frank the Tank
Charles won this year again.
In 2008, our league began to look more like we know it now, except that Charles invited a crazed, Cardinal-loving, fat, ginger named Benny to take over Hanson's team, in what became known as the Red Era of the league. Truly, a dark period. In this same year, Tod would join a league called No Ma'am, run by Pat "10th member" Cannon who ran a team called "Allah's Baby Eaters", and in which Liv also played with The Seal Clubbers.
Tod: Tranny Grannies
Charles: The Pucketteer's
Cole: Shit Ass Pussy Fags (Cole is experimenting and its fun to watch).
Craig: GOING PAY MY BILLS (Craig is also experimenting and its weird).
Martel: The Long Knife Div.
Ross: The Bream Team
Gerrad: Business & Leather
Eric: Frank the Tank
Charles won a third straight Championship, and his last one to date.
In 2009, we had some shake up, as Tony Love would leave the league and our lives, Craig began his 2-year hiatus for some reason, Cole found his ultimate team motivating name, and Cannon would join the league and begin his streak of not coming to the draft.
Tod: Tranny Grannies
Charles: The Pucketteer's
Cole: Shitface Dickfarts!
Craig: did not play
Martel: The Long Knife Div.
Ross: The Bream Team
Gerrad: Business & Leather
Eric: Frank the Tank
Cannon: Twinks and Bears
Cannon would end up winning the league in his first season.
In 2010, Liv would join the league, replacing someone I still don't know, Craig is still on sabbatical, Martel inspires Tod's new team name, while still seeking his own, and it was Benny's last year.
Tod: The Re-Tods
Charles: The Pucketteer's
Cole: Shitface Dickfarts!
Craig: did not play
Martel: kickem n the figgins (Good Ole Chone Figgins (and Aramis Ramirez) were Martel staples).
Ross: The Bream Team
Gerrad: Business & Leather
Eric: Frank the Tank
Cannon: Twinks and Bears
Liv: The Seal Clubbers
Cole would end up winning his first Championship.
In 2011, we finally arrived at the league shape as we now know and love, except Eric and Craig hadn't settled on their team names yet.
Tod: The Re-Tods
Charles: The Pucketteer's
Cole: Shitface Dickfarts!
Craig: cowhide joyride
Martel: Lord of Nations
Ross: The Bream Team
Gerrad: Business & Leather
Eric: Pinstripe Pirates
Cannon: Twinks and Bears
Liv: The Seal Clubbers
Cole would win back-to-back Championships. This one over Charles.
In 2012, it was the first year without a member leaving or joining. News of our league spread fast and far and requests for membership began coming in, all met with a stern "nope." Cannon would win his 2nd championship, over Cole, and continue his streak of not coming to the draft.
2013 was so recent that you dicks don't need a recap. Martel won the league.
2014: you write the script.
These are the following managers/teams who will not be forgotten:
Tony Love: Love Train (2004), Cowboys (2005), MeanGreenMachine (2006), Nachodaddy (2007), Notyodaddy (2008)
Josh "Roid Rage" Hanson: Pedro's (2005), kirby's kids (2006), Linwood Legends (2007)
Andy "Xterror11" Thibodaux: insane killa's bulge (2005).
I should probably get back to work now. If there is anything I forgot, please feel free to add.
TJE
Tuesday, February 25, 2014
Tuesday, February 18, 2014
Things to know...........
Round 1 ADP
|
Round 2 ADP
|
Round 3 ADP
|
Round 4 ADP
|
Round 5 ADP
|
Team Legend
|
#
|
|
Mike Trout
|
Prince Fielder
|
Felix Hernandez
|
Matt Cain
|
Adrian Gonzalez
|
Shitface Dickfarts
|
19
|
|
Miguel Cabrera
|
Clayton Kershaw
|
David Price
|
Cole Hamels
|
Craig Kimbrel
|
The Re-Tods
|
14
|
|
Ryan Braun
|
Stephen Strasburg
|
Justin Upton
|
Adam Jones
|
Matt Holliday
|
Grease Missiles
|
17
|
|
Robinson Cano
|
Giancarlo Stanton
|
David Wright
|
Cliff Lee
|
Billy Butler
|
The Pucketteers
|
15
|
|
Matt Kemp
|
Troy Tulowitzki
|
Dustin Pedroia
|
Jacoby Ellsbury
|
Adam Wainwright
|
Lord of Nations
|
16
|
|
Andrew McCutchen
|
Jose Bautista
|
Jose Reyes
|
Yoenis Cespedes
|
B.J. Upton
|
Handyman Slykes
|
9
|
|
Albert Pujols
|
Adrian Beltre
|
Bryce Harper
|
Ryan Zimmerman
|
Paul Goldschmidt
|
Business&Leather
|
15
|
|
Joey Votto
|
Josh Hamilton
|
Ian Kinsler
|
Jay Bruce
|
Yu Darvish
|
The Seal Clubbers
|
12
|
|
Carlos Gonzalez
|
Buster Posey
|
Jason Heyward
|
Starlin Castro
|
Madison Bumgarner
|
The Bream Team
|
18
|
|
Justin Verlander
|
Evan Longoria
|
Edwin Encarnacion
|
Jered Weaver
|
CC Sabathia
|
Twinks & Bears
|
13
|
|
Free Agents
|
52
|
||||||
Total
|
200
|
||||||
Round 6 ADP
|
Round 7 ADP
|
Round 8 ADP
|
Round 9 ADP
|
Round 10 ADP
|
|||
R.A. Dickey
|
Ian Desmond
|
Yadier Molina
|
Chase Headley
|
Mark Trumbo
|
|||
Gio Gonzalez
|
Pablo Sandoval
|
Elvis Andrus
|
Roy Halladay
|
James Shields
|
|||
Allen Craig
|
Brandon Phillips
|
Anthony Rizzo
|
Matt Moore
|
Austin Jackson
|
|||
Zack Greinke
|
Aaron Hill
|
Carlos Santana
|
Michael Bourn
|
Jason Motte
|
|||
Hanley Ramirez
|
Brett Lawrie
|
Max Scherzer
|
Martin Prado
|
Matt Wieters
|
|||
Joe Mauer
|
Johnny Cueto
|
Alex Rios
|
Victor Martinez
|
Alex Gordon
|
|||
Chris Sale
|
Mat Latos
|
Curtis Granderson
|
Ryan Howard
|
Asdrubal Cabrera
|
|||
Ben Zobrist
|
Kris Medlen
|
Jonathan Papelbon
|
Shin-Soo Choo
|
Carlos Beltran
|
|||
Jason Kipnis
|
Aramis Ramirez
|
Desmond Jennings
|
Jordan Zimmermann
|
Rafael Soriano
|
|||
Aroldis Chapman
|
Jimmy Rollins
|
Freddie Freeman
|
Yovani Gallardo
|
Fernando Rodney
|
|||
Round 11 ADP
|
Round 12 ADP
|
Round 13 ADP
|
Round 14 ADP
|
Round 15 ADP
|
|||
Jose Altuve
|
Melky Cabrera
|
Jon Lester
|
Derek Jeter
|
Huston Street
|
|||
Paul Konerko
|
David Ortiz
|
Chase Utley
|
Matt Harvey
|
Nick Swisher
|
|||
Mariano Rivera
|
Jeff Samardzija
|
Rickie Weeks
|
Hiroki Kuroda
|
Joel Hanrahan
|
|||
Brandon Morrow
|
Carlos Gomez
|
Josh Willingham
|
Doug Fister
|
Brian McCann
|
|||
Nelson Cruz
|
Ian Kennedy
|
Hunter Pence
|
Carl Crawford
|
Will Middlebrooks
|
|||
Wilin Rosario
|
Jake Peavy
|
Miguel Montero
|
Salvador Perez
|
Greg Holland
|
|||
Tim Lincecum
|
Joe Nathan
|
Dan Haren
|
Chris Davis
|
Adam LaRoche
|
|||
David Freese
|
Eric Hosmer
|
Sergio Romo
|
Mike Moustakas
|
Danny Espinosa
|
|||
Ike Davis
|
Jim Johnson
|
J.J. Putz
|
Anibal Sanchez
|
Nick Markakis
|
|||
Shane Victorino
|
Josh Johnson
|
Mike Napoli
|
C.J. Wilson
|
Mark Teixeira
|
|||
Round 16 ADP
|
Round 17 ADP
|
Round 18 ADP
|
Round 19 ADP
|
Round 20 ADP
|
|||
Brett Anderson
|
Adam Dunn
|
Jesus Montero
|
Marco Estrada
|
Casey Janssen
|
|||
Norichika Aoki
|
Rafael Betancourt
|
Neil Walker
|
Grant Balfour
|
Jeremy Hellickson
|
|||
Tom Wilhelmsen
|
Addison Reed
|
Pedro Alvarez
|
A.J. Pierzynski
|
Josh Rutledge
|
|||
Andre Ethier
|
Kyle Seager
|
Homer Bailey
|
Erick Aybar
|
J.J. Hardy
|
|||
John Axford
|
John Buck
|
Ryan Vogelsong
|
Glen Perkins
|
Kenley Jansen
|
|||
Dan Uggla
|
Jarrod Parker
|
Jason Grilli
|
Josh Beckett
|
Josh Reddick
|
|||
Mike Minor
|
Chris Perez
|
Ben Revere
|
Tim Hudson
|
Brandon League
|
|||
Alejandro De Aza
|
Jonathon Niese
|
A.J. Burnett
|
Derek Holland
|
Brandon Crawford
|
|||
Lance Lynn
|
Matt Garza
|
Alcides Escobar
|
Michael Morse
|
Brett Gardner
|
|||
Angel Pagan
|
Todd Frazier
|
Ichiro Suzuki
|
Jonathan Lucroy
|
Matt Harrison
|
Keeper Declaration Deadline: Saturday, February 22nd, midnight
Draft Order Selection Order: In an email somewhere.....I just know I'm last because I'm the reigning champ. Suckas.
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