In a still young season, many teams are finding themselves in unfamiliar places and are undoubtedly looking for answers. Well may I serve up a little observation that may lead to a solution. The last 4 teams to place specific players on the chop....ahem, trading block are as follows: Twinks and Bears, Pucketteers, Re-Tods, and Frank the Tank. Their current places are as follows: 7,8,9, and 10. Gross, I know.
One could only imagine the pressures an employee feels when he finds out that his services are no longer appreciated by the bossman. Imagine being told in the early morning meeting that you would be laid off at the end of the day, how hard would you work? I'm not sure what I'd do, but I would never have to buy staplers or those awesome rubber page turners again. And I'm not talking about mailroom workers being told they are disposable, some of these players are perennial all-stars. Some of which include: Matt Holliday, Jake Peavy, John Lackey, Alfonso Soriano, hot new comer Kelly Johnson, and many others. Some of the convicted are not seasoned vets like Lackey or Soriano. One of the victims with his neck stretched across the stump is rookie phenom Gordon Beckham. Beckham refused comment for this story as he finds it to painful to acknoqledge. There are reports from the Pucketeers clubhouse that he hasn't shaved for days and that he was seen taping up razor blades to swallow. Why was he taping them you ask, because the poor basterd felt he didn't even deserve the dignity of a totally successful suicide. There is no doubt that this public display of disinterest may be contributing to his earthworm testicle low batting average. "He was so excited to be drafted by a team that comes with as much clout as The Pucketteers," said Gordon's father, Baxter. "As soon as he realized his name was Gordon at the age of 4 he went into a 5 year funk, but as depressed as he was then, we atleast found him with undiluted bleach and a funnel, atleast then he felt worthy of a real suicide."
Fortunately, not everyone is as fragile as the young Beckham. Veteran Jorge Posada of the Frank the Tank army is not happy with the decision, but he gets it. "I swear I thought this guy had a man-crush, or even a straight up crush, on me and then I see this splattered on the league message board." "I mean c'mon, I've atleast earned some respect after all the years I've given to this club." Upon completion of the interview, I tried to have the rusty right shouldered catcher crack a smile. I gave him the obligatory "Hip Hip" and eagerly awaited the response. Blamo, middle-finger to the face. No way a catcher with complete job security does that, no way.
There are many players having sub-par seasons thus far, but its hard to ignore the facts facing these annual power-houses. These are humans we are dealing with. Act accordingly.
