In what was originally construed as an accident, a few new pieces of evidence recently brought to light may suggest otherwise. On May 29th in Anaheim, California Angels slugger Kendry Morales hit a game winning grand-slam. A feat that provided massive amounts of jubilation amongst his team and their fans, albeit short lived. Upon his arrival at home plate, he placed his foot on the dish, only to have it slip off causing an awkward fall resulting in a broken leg which will also land him awkwardly on the disabled list. At first glance most people wrote it off as dumb luck, a mere continuation of the snake venom delivered to them every year in the playoffs if you will. But recently, Anaheim police chief Reinhold Goswick has alerted the media of 3 clues leading to 3 suspects in the case.
Exhibit A in the case was a banana peel found in the left handed batters box after the subdued dog pilers helped Morales off the field. This piece of Evidence points to an Italian plumber with suspected mob ties who plumbs and races as a laundering front. The plumber, simply known as Mario, has a long history of drug use, mostly hallucinogenic mushrooms, and an even longer history of other charged crimes which include: destruction to property (mostly bricks), arson, assault and battery of military officers including several troopas, excessive speeding, etc. Mario could not be reached for comment as he is strongly protected by his number 2 man known as Luigi, a toad, a donkey, a lizard thing with a spikey turtle shell and all of his footmen constantly parade around in an extremely intimidating go kart gang.
Exhibit B brought to light consisted of a pair of chopsticks and a batman-like tool belt. These clues were dusted and brought authorities to one, Richard "Data" Wang. Wang is considered somewhat of a Robin Hood figure in local communities, as he has a history of wrong doing for the good of the common man. In the past he was part of a misfit gang that single handedly nabbed an alarmingly bumbling group of criminals and stole, ahem, found, a large group of treasure and relics that were used to prevent an evil gang of entrepreneurs from bettering a community, but in the meantime, saving a crappy house with a gaudy contraption for opening the front gate. Most locals didn't care, but the story was a national phenomenom for quite some time.
Exhibit C in this caper is an empty bottle of baby oil that was found in the stadium with the finger prints of an Austin, Texas inhabitant. As of now the police are only scratching the surface of this suspect and are unwilling to release his name. All that has leaked out is the fact that the suspect has a few blips on his background check which include a minor examination thieving incident, an attempted BB gun assassination which resulted in a punk rock smurf falling off a roof, and tricking people to slip in baby oil. Apparently, suspect C's entourage finds people slipping among the funniest things in all the world. Video tapes of such events were also confiscated.
As of now there is still a lot of work to be done, but Chief Goswick is confident that the guilty party will be brought to light. Until then, I blame Brett Butler.
