Here we are a whopping 1/3 of the way through the baseball season and there have been more trades than a man who happened to lose 3 of his fingers in a tragic meat grinder incident could count on both of his hands combined. The players swapping sides aren't role players either, we're talking some high quality shit changing hands here. Among those players changing hats thus far this season have been a 1st rounder, a 2nd rounder, a 3rd rounder, 3 keepers, and a pitcher who happened to throw a no-hitter this year. Maybe it has something to do with the keeper/franchise tag rule, or maybe it has something to do with the option of manager's trading future picks, but something has got this league in quite a tizzy and no one knows that better than Francisco Liriano.
With the historical distinction of adding his name to the no-no list this year, Liriano is quoted as saying that his "No-no isn't even the craziest thing he's accomplished this season." Francisco Liriano has become the first baseball player ever to have been traded three times in a season that I can remember without doing any research whatsoever. Lirian-hoe is the sure thing being passed around the Backstop Boys league like the horny sorority girl on homecoming week that just seems to always leave her drink unattended. After being drafted into sluttery by the Re-Tods, their relationship soon soured (I suspect boredom), and he was then traded to B&L on April 12th, feeling crushed, "The village bicycle" decided to open up his back door to keep things spicy for his new manager. Unfortunately butt ramming can only last so long as even the brown eye can lose it's elasticity and on May 10th he was again traded, this time to the LoN's. "I'm not sure how he passed his physical before the trade went through, he was clearly suffering from what I call a shot balloon knot when he got here", said Liriano's newly disappointed manager. After a whopping 13 days on already his 3rd team, LoN's decided to hit it and quit it and ship the damage goods on it's way. This time he landed on the Pinstrip Pirates squad and remains there to this day. As some of us know first hand, you can try your best to make an honest woman out of a crack whore who lets you rail them in the back of a 4runner, but eventually she will cheat on you with a parapalegic and it will be time to kick that ass to the curb.
There is no telling what kind of kinky stuff that Lirian-hoe has opened himself up to for his new manager with the Pinstripe Pirates. The only thing to know for sure is that since crack whores almost never have personalities, eventually the fireworks in the bedroom won't be able to fill the chasm that will soon separate the hoe from her pimp. The way this year is shaping up, there will no doubt be many more trades to come, just be careful you don't catch something.
