Late last week news broke that the Lord of Nations superstar, Miguel Cabrera, was slated to have offseason groin surgery. After almost an entire season of carrying an entire team that was comprised of glorified role players, the franchise player's bean bag couldn't take anymore. "I has to carry extra testosterone in America very good for team make succeed," said the pre-op slugger moments before he was taken back for surgery. The eternally grateful owner/manager/general manager of the Lord of Nations was seen coming out of Cabrera's hospital room just before the greatest hitter his generation has ever seen was wheeled to an operating room. "I'll gladly shave that man's coin purse after what he's done for me. Frankly, I pretty much had to beat people off with a stick that were volunteering to Benjamin Button his ball sack," the still elated Lord of Nations skipper said through a euphoric smile. "I know that man is about to have a razor sharp blade rip through the ol' potato sack, but even with that thought in my head, I can't help but smile knowing the heights he personally took me along with the rag tag group I surrounded him with." The rag tag group being referred to is putting kindly the motley crew that surrounded the 5 star 4 stat juggernaut. Nevertheless, despite a revolving door of supporting cast members, Mr. Triple Crown winner took it upon himself and helped secure his squad a 3rd place finish in what was one of the most competitive fantasy baseball seasons in recent memory. When the playoffs rolled around and the one his teammates refer to as The Miggity Miggity Miggity Mac was still striding to the batters box despite his gigantic balls needing to be in a wheel barrow, his fellow teammates were left with no other option after seeing such fortitude. Win the whole fuckin thing. And the rest is a fairy tale that has become reality.
Get well soon. If not, get a really big jock strap and get your ass on the field next May.
No comments:
Post a Comment